Consider this, the hint of the century
Consider this, the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come
Now I’ve said too much”
Not being understood never scared me, it’s all I know.
Being the weird soul that I am, I had it coming, yet I’m highly intrigued by how I always try to relate things to each other.
Being born in ’91 “Losing My Religion”, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Give It Away” were the 3 biggest rock songs that year, songs that have define who I am as I’ve been very vocal with my attempts to understand why we’re here.
Being born into a religious (Christian) family, the questions I’ve had about the name of God may allude to me “Losing My Religion”, my faith.
As a kid, being expected by family and family friends to fill the cool shoes of a late big brother slowed me down, as they were too heavy for my young feet. The life he left behind smothered my name lifeless, I was never myself, I was never Ndumiso but a miniature version of my brother, as I was put under the pressure of walking in his shoes, suddenly my existence was meant to fill the void that he left in people’s heart… His brogues.
“You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind”- Evanescence
Trying to conform I did what I could to feed everyone’s expectation of who or what I was meant to be though everything I was, was short of anything my big brother would’ve ever been in their eyes. So I threw my arms up… I rebelled.
“Smells Like Teen Spirit” integrated a sense of self-worth I never had. With lyrics like “I’m worse at what I do best and for this gift I feel blessed” I realized the true notion of contentment, the idea of trying not to be the best son, but the idea to build myself up (without competing with anyone) from being the worst best son… I mean best worst son.
It’s because of this number that being an outcast or being made to feel like one will never move me.
Being born into this world, we are all born into different situations and backgrounds, yes I don’t have much, I never did.
But whatever little I do have is a lot,
It’s a lot because it’s been enough to keep the breaths I’ve taken coming likewise, the breaths I’m about to take going forward.
What I will forever struggle to understand is what on heaven did I do in/on the other side (before being born) that millions of kids who are born into poverty, infected with various diseases didn’t?
The hunger for wealth has never driven me as much as it drives some of my brothers as to me money doesn’t equate to respect nor does it equate to being God, but if God is love then “hell yes” altruism and selfless behavior equates to being God, not in any weird way but in a way that loving and giving is you allowing His name to live through you.
This is just a few lessons a song released by The Red Hot Chili Peppers 23 years ago titled “Give It Away” has taught me.
This may be the day I was born, but it’s not MY DAY, it’s yours too. Make the best of it.
“Giveraway, giveraway, giveraway now”