The Pendulum: ADD Lovers

In my tender age of 21 I’ve learnt enough to know that this world will always give you love though the ‘love’ you get might not be what we’ve seen in Hollywood movies where a person A fall’s in love with person C and their bond fills the gap of B. Love is no Cinderella story it’s not simply ‘happily ever after’ in an optimistic light its more like ‘happily working it out ever after’.
Now question is when do we know we’ve found the one we can ‘happily’ work it out with ever after? I feel almost cliché for asking such an old and somewhat rhetorical question. But sometimes as humans we try so hard to find love even where it might not exist cause we’re scared of lonely. The idea of being stuck with all the materialistic success the world can provide and 29 cats as your family is quite scary. So we stick around even though we see that we are moving back forth like a pendulum hypnotized by the constant-stationary mobility.

broken-person

“I’m a sweet
Little Love Maker
Finding Time
To make my words better”

FKA Twigs sings of a situation where some humans find themselves in, a situation where we belittle ourselves just so we could satisfy those we love. Allowing ourselves to be somewhere we might not be exactly feeling loved emotionally but if our bodies can get that little attention during love-making then that’s enough while we work on our speech so the dear lover can notice us as more.

And if I move on, I admit you’re gone. And I ain’t ready. And I’ll hold steady. Yeah I’ll hold you in my arms…”

Sia speaks of the possibility of moving on even though you’re not ready but for one to even reach that stage it’s quite a mission, you find yourself stealing time through the eye of the needle cause letting go of the one who’s made you feel whole and wanted is a process which no human being is always ready to begin. Holding on hoping to make it whole and together through the fire but darling its the lover who might have struck the matches and they waiting on just seeing you burn not because they suddenly hate you but the two of you might not be the perfect match so they will let you go, on the condition that you leave with scars that will remain a reminder of where you’ve been.

“You’re younger than I am broken.
I dance feelings like they’re spoken.
So my conversation is not enough”

Sometimes lovers might not be old enough to understand what you’ve been through neither do they understand that time is no human’s friend. So we express ourselves in more ways than the verbal manner. A conflicted lover might even start body-cutting just to speak these feelings which aren’t spoken and that doesn’t mean one needs to be taken to for a mental check up it’s just that ‘conversation is not enough’ to express what’s inside.
‘I see a body that could move the hardest in the room”
Most people around are quick to judge and speak of attention seeking when they see troubled people who speak their emotional pain through self-harming. We move the hardest just so we could intoxicate ourselves so much that we become numb to the emotional aches.
‘This is how I show my love… Blame it on my ADD baby”
I don’t want to sound subjective to one side as if only one person in a relationship is always wrong and the other is always right and abused. Both might be troubled. Failing to show their love properly.
Masochists who will find pleasure in going through pain together- ‘But I will never ever leave until the walls are caving in’- not willing to exit until all is burnt to ashes but even through the ashes we hope of phoenix resurrection powers.

hole-deep

Show your love the best you can. Don’t make anyone feel less for loving you.

Disclaimer : This article does not encourage self-harming of any sorts in the same breath neither does it judge it. We all go through pain and we deal with it differently.
I didn’t mean to sound all dark and sombre.

Words in inverted commas are quoted from a number of songs.
FKA Twigs- Pendulum
FKA Twigs- Video Girl
Sia- Eye Of The Needle
Rihanna- I Love The Way You Lie (Pt 2)
AWOLNATION- Sail

Thanks to Elihle Gwala for guest writing this one
Everything on this post > Courtesy of Elihle Gwala

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About Ndumiso Mncwabe

When beautiful melodies tell us horrible things and grisly sounds tell us the kind truth. This is where life and music meet. They say music has the power to inspire change, I say music has the power to inspire vibes. Good vibes and bad vibes. It also has the power to inspire thoughts, but most importantly, for it to inspire change, it must inspire conversation. I smell music, I speak music. View all posts by Ndumiso Mncwabe

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