Category Archives: We Don’t Talk About It

The Love Below

 

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If what thay say is “nothing lasts forever”

Then what makes love the exception?

….So why are we in denial

When we know we’re not happy here?

Y’all don’t want me here, you just wanna dance

 

Day in, day out, every man in a committed relationship has to choose between either satisfying his ever restless manly desires or to honor his relationship with his lover, to keep the dignity and honor… the trust shared in the relationship.

 

Don’t try to fight the feeling

‘Cause the thought alone is killin’ me right now

 

Isn’t it scary how this whole love thing is set up? I mean, there have been debates about us not being monogamous creatures… a debate I’d rather not be part of… Though something I’ve always felt was true is that us men want what we think can’t have. We constantly want to test our abilities, to stretch our luck, to see how much we can get away with, how far we can take it, though depending on one’s self security, you won’t feel like you have anything to prove to yourself or anyone for that matter. Yes, when you’re content with yourself, such desires can be tamed.

 

When promiscuity and lust is the order of the day, “Love is our resistance“… Well, at least “Resistance” by Muse may suggest so.

 

Of course some may feel that they have tried this love thing and failed enough times for them to settle for nothing more than the love below, “Happily ever after below the waist”… Well at least “Bang The Doldrums” by Fall Out Boy may suggest so.

“I’m already taken”, how often do we say those word? More especially to people we would date if we weren’t otherwise taken? Unfortunately some of us could bring ourselves to saying them.

Written By RnB legend R. Kelly and sung by recording RnB artist Trey Songz, “Already Taken” is a number that along with it’s accompanying video embellish the idea of being taken of curbing our “player” tendencies… The idea of being committed.


Bigger Than Jesus

Currently serving a life sentence, Mark Chapman was denied parole for the 8th time back in 2012. Receiving an autograph from John Lennon a few hours before assassinating him, Mark says he had to end John Lennon’s life after learning about claims and stats that ranked The Beatles popularity higher than Jesus…

 

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“Mama

Still wonder if this shit is real

I get on the stage and women scream like Meek Mill

Fucking in some nollis bar with…

I took off my pants and she said short gun long dick… Load up the chopper like it’s December 31st

Roll up and cock it and hit them niggas where it hurts

If I die today, Remember me like John Lennon

Buried In Louie, I’m talking all brown linen

huh?”

 

They say everybody loves a hero, but what makes a hero? The villain of course, okay scratch that, before I go on a tangent I’ll come up with a different answer, perhaps one that is less mind wrecking to all of us, better yet, let me just insert the music part of this post while I’m at it, as music fans we all have music heroes, and with that, there’s something rather magical that happens when an artist decides to pay homage to an artist they perhaps look up to. With hip hop stars going on about how absolutely awesome they are in every other song, it’s refreshing when they rap or write in praise of an artist before them.

I think we can all agree that “Doc Shebeleza” was the biggest hip hop song in SA back in 2014, a song that pays homage to hip hop’s very own Doc Shebeleza, I don’t know if any one noticed this, but if you’re not from South Africa, “Doc Shebeleza” is basically a downplayed version of “John” by Lil Wayne. Both songs are titled after respected artists, both songs lionize living the life of a rockstar and well, the energy of the song is very much the same. Undress your mind and play Lil Wayne’s “John”, ignore the lyrics and rap/sing “Doc Shebeleza” over it an all will be obvious.

“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic, It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost”- Arthur Ashe

 


Young Umlazi Girl In A Push-up Bra

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“When you start putting pen to paper, you see a side of your personal truth that doesn’t otherwise reveal itself in conversation or thought”

This is without a doubt one of my most favourite quotes by The Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis.

I started “scribbling” to try and make sense of the world around me… I had so many questions I needed answered but with every attempt to answer these questions came a ton of other questions… The more I see the less I know… The older I get, the more mysterious the world gets.

In retrospect, my reasons for taking my scribbles online were selfish, I did it for myself, mostly because I just love scribbling… but if I scribbled and no one saw my scribbles, did I scribble at all? Haha, Next to my pure interest in writing I’ve always loved putting out ideas, sharing ideas, having my ideas challenged and so on… Little did I know, having an “online journal” would expose me to a reality I wouldn’t have been exposed to otherwise…

As my blogging habits developed I got to interact with some of the most interesting people I’ve ever came across… Getting to see some of their stories I became aware of how much of a reality mental illness is, and how so many of us may be living with one but don’t even know it… This being because of the stigma that mental illnesses come with, it’s easy for us to assume that we’re not part of the distorted panting society has made mental illness out to be… It’s so good to convince oneself that we’re not part of something so much of society frowns upon, something that one should be ashamed of…

 

There’s a lot that I don’t know

There’s a lot that I’m still learning

When I think I’m letting go

I find my body it’s still burning

And you hold me down

And you got me living in the past

Come on and pick me up

Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast…

 

Though awareness is important (Yes we all know that the 1st step to conquering anything is acknowledging it… and as a unite, there is no limit to what we can accomplish in helping each other as brothers and sisters)… Getting the word other there is important… We can only hope that the world opens it’s eyes and hearts to such realities, though whether the world comes around or not, an individual living with a mental illness has nothing to prove to anyone nor does one need acceptance to be… To survive… To conquer…

 

Yea I’m alive

But I don’t need a witness

To know that I survive

I’m not looking for forgiveness

Yea I just need light

I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution…

 

Song: Resolution by Jack’s Mannequin

Very nice song by the way…

 


The Devil’s Haircut

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Secondhand opinions… Nothing makes me want to drive my head at full force into the wall more than secondhand opinions… So many people think they’re the only people with access to the TV, re-conveying an opinion of someone they saw on TV almost word for word (with a sense of possession) as if it were their own… Sometimes I don’t know if they can tell if it’s really their own opinion or not. The media has us in a choke hold, we can’t think for ourself, anything and everything they say is the gospel cool and we want to be part of it…

 

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We’re everyday robots in control
Or in the process of being sold
Driving in adjacent cars
‘Til you press restart

Everyday robots just touch thumbs
Swimmin’ in lingo they become
Stricken in a status sea
One more vacancy

For everyday robots getting old
When our lips are cold
Lookin’ like standing stones
Out there on our own

Song: Everyday Robots by Damon Albarn

 


We Do It In The Dark, With Smiles On Our Faces

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Back In high school I remember having people tell me that I had a boring life. Externally I was always settled and quiet. Internally I was always pacing to and foe exploring what was, what is… an endless world of possibilities.

I couldn’t feel the boredom I was then accused of, Yes I didn’t over indulge my young curious mind with alcohol and company but still, I had everything I needed. No one thing in life is the be all and end all of fun.

We look at what we have, grateful, yes, we are quick to feel sorry for whomever may appear to have less. Truth is, everything is subjective, what’s less for you may not necessarily be less for the next.

Tsotsi, a movie that earned South Africa it’s first ever Oscar Award. In the movie the main character (Tsotsi) has an encounter with a physically disabled drifter… Not convinced that the man is actually disabled but instead is posing as disabled to earn sympathy change from the commuters… After kicking over all his coins he (Tsotsi) asks the man to get up… Now Tsotsi couldn’t understand why someone without an ability to walk, without a home, without a family, without a job would have the will to live… “Just to feel the sun on the street”

 

Went down the hill

The other day

Soul got happy and stayed all day

 

Though back in the 1930s the technology and resources we have today weren’t available, iconic songs like “Trouble So Hard” were written… Originally sung by Vera Hall from as early as 1937 the song has been covered and reworked by a number of artists (most notably Paolo Nutini as well as Moby)… Evidently the song focuses on the troubles we all face as people but most importantly how no one else has a say as to whether another has the best life or if another’s life is worth living or not as our deepest purpose, our deepest joys along with our deepest troubles are known by no one else but us and ourselves…

 

Don’t nobody know my troubles but God

Don’t nobody know my troubles but God


Tastes Like Not Chicken

Colour, color, nationality, race, genre, black music, white music… So many boxes… We’re boxing ourselves, each other and everything around us. Yes, there is music we can each call our own, ancestral music that isn’t praised or produced in any other part of the world but our own… But like the words I write, you can’t put ownership on feelings… Listen…

Yes, we may all have a preference on the genres or the kind of music we mostly listen to, but how society is set up, there are cool genres and not so cool genres, some of us claim to only listen to a certain or a specific genre… I’m not one of those people because, yes, you’ve guessed it, I believe music is more than style, it is more than a tone, it is more than a melody, it is more than an instrument… Music is feeling, and whatever the genre or how much you don’t like the artist, if a song catches you at the right moment, you’re caught! Feelings everywhere… Going forward, whether you admit to feeling a song or not (assuming in your world it’s a style/genre or artist not generally considered as cool) is then your laundry to air.

Comedy movies are my favourite, they’ve always been my favourite though my most favourite movie is far from being a comedy…

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Starring Leleti Khumalo, Yesterday is without a doubt one of the best movies I’ve ever seen… Yes, it caught me, it pinned me down, I felt it…

The movie is basically about a wife/mother who learns that she’s HIV+ and the self-dialogue and struggles that follow.

Living at the village she stays with just her daughter as her husband works by the city as a Miner… She seems to be faithful, but we can’t say the same for her husband… He also turns out to be abusive as he beats her up when she tells him that she had just found out that she has the virus… Lonely and bruised she travels back home from the city… Time and sickness would soon relieve the husband from his denial and whisper the truth through weak, hard coughs that he perhaps did have the virus… and that he had passed it on to his wife…

 

Boys working on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I’m so full of love I could barely eat

There’s nothing sweeter than my baby

I’d never want once from the cherry tree…

 

As his health gets worse, he finally returns to his wife and daughter… Some how, his wife finds it in herself to take care of him, and nurse him as she had to deal with suddenly being treated like an outsider by her stigma ruled neighbours… shunned by many she once knew as friends…

 

Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin’ in her room but an empty crib

And I was burning up a fever

I didn’t care much how long I lived

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did

 

Driven by her wish to see her little daughter go to (her 1st day of) school she is in steady health, but tired of her nosey neighbours and how they were treating her and her husband for being HIV+ and the hospital not being able to accommodate her husband she builds a shack in solitude where she continues to nurse him as his health unfortunately gets worse…

 

My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord don’t forgive me

I’d still have my baby and my babe would have me…

 

The movie is definitely about love, forgiveness and of course willpower… She had promised herself that she’d take her daughter to her 1st day of school… Then and only then will the virus be allowed to do as it pleases with her… The husband is as loving as can be towards his wife and daughter as his life slips away…

 

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark Earth

No grave, can hold my body down

I’ll crawl home to her…

 

Song: Work Song by Hozier

 


41 Homosexual Men

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Us humans think we’re so smart and we are, just not as much as we’d like to think.

Animal behavior is alive and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, yes, why should it be a bad thing? Is it because It’s ANIMAL behavior and we’re so much better than animals? Why should we constantly put ourselves above other living creatures?

With our know-it-all tendencies, isn’t it interesting how it’s us who get to burn in hell? hear me out… If you’re a believer or not, can you imagine an animal burning in hell? Why? or Why not?

From where I’m standing, It’s hard to imagine an animal being punished on the other side for not following the rules… or something like that, yet in our different societies and religious groups we often claim those who differ or those who go “off track” will be damned to hell…

“Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird”- Kurt Cobain

The truth sucks, truth being we’ll never get over ourselves…

It seems we’ll forever put ourselves above anything or anyone who wont talk back, a lot like how we can stare the hell out of someone who can’t see that we’re staring at them… Someone who won’t look back at us.

Generally most of us try to be sociable, we try to be polite to everyone but every now and again for one reason or another, making our way through the town, we may not have the energy to interact with someone we may know… Spotting them first, we look away, hoping they wont see or bother us, but how sure are we ever really are about them not seeing us first and looking away exactly as we just did?

Yes, we’re only fooling ourselves… Ostriches poking their heads into the ground… Think about it, how many times have you turned around to catch someone looking at you as they quickly look away… only it’s too late, but they do it anyway… a bad habit sunk in their nerves…

If you can’t see me, I can’t see you… A line I took from Courtney Barnett’s Dead Fox chorus… The song carries so much on it… It can be linked to so many social issues, one being; many of us won’t even go for a HIV test just because we’re scared of what may be the truth, if we don’t face the truth, the truth wont bother us… So we think…

The illness or virus is there just the same whether we know it or not, it’s time to break down the stigma… It’s time to bring up a HIV free generation…